I was in a training session last week in which we were asked to list things that would help us succeed or not in the PhD research degree process. We were as a group then asked to decide which of the things listed, were either in our control, partially in our control or completely out of our control. The point of the exercise was to show that there are very few challenges and advantages in relation to the PhD research degree process that are completely out of our control. What I found interesting, is how many of the things listed proved problematic for group consensus, that is, how many of the items listed--according to the majority of the group--were only partially 'in their control'.
Perhaps it is because I have lived in places and studied cultures in which the population were genuinely at the mercy of horrible poverty, despair and want--perhaps because of my own life experiences--I am currently very hesitant to accept that any of us at the PhD research development seminar last week, can honestly say that we are not in control of many of the dimensions of our daily life. I think that perhaps the weaving of the fabric of moment-to-moment decision-making process is being taken for granted. Take for example the topic of health--many researchers in the room said they were only in partial control over their health and well-being. In discussion it became clear that in consideration of health and well-being, that it was necessary to separate ‘catastrophic events’ from mundane experience.
Once we as a seminar separated ‘catastrophe’ such as getting cancer or having the sky fall on you, from average daily life experience, I would have personally thought everyone would say that yes, they have a choice about smoking or not smoking, eating a carrot or munching on a bag of crisps, exercising or not exercising etc. But no. Everyone kept saying “Oh, there just isn’t time. I have to balance so many demands!” I do not take issue with people making their own priorities but I think it important to realise that making a choice is what we are, all in fact, doing! We have options--even if we do not like them--and are choosing between those options. We are expressing 'control'.
As an example of making choices about the shape, form and content of one’s life, consider the convener of the seminar I was in. He talked about how realistically, when in his twenties he could have gone anywhere but that these days, as family man, he could not (go anywhere, do anything). I applaud that he is obviously a very responsible 'family man'. But it is within his power to walk away from his 'life' at any time. He CHOOSES not to, precisely because he IS a caring father and husband (and 'walking away' would not be in keeping with his definition of 'caring father and husband').
Yet, if the convener never consciously recognises all of the options he has and that he is proactively committing himself to being a good father and husband (in accordance with his own socialised values system), how is he to receive that gift of self-awareness--of who he is, what he loves and what his own values are? Without recognition of all of his options, even the ones repugnant to his (prescribed) values, would he not run the risk of missing out on the realisation of KNOWING what matters most to him and brings him joy? I think most of us undervalue our lives by not witnessing holistically the dimensions of our personal priorities. Why would anyone deny the accolades of understanding what you and others ‘are about’ and what truly matters (in your own opinion)? What is it that would inspire anyone to ignore, that the value of any choice is not just in what you gain from it but what you do not (gain)?
I do not have a resonant answer (as yet). Certainly there are things we do not have control over and many occasions which necessitate the cooperative sharing of authority with others. Why would anyone want to relinquish or deny whatever amount of ‘absolute’ authority they DO have? In the case, for example, of choosing crisps over carrots on a regular basis and saying that ‘it can’t be helped’ . . . I think that’s a bit rubbish. :) I think the reality there is that one is (possibly) ashamed to admit that they prefer crisps to carrots, because that priority is in conflict with some other goal, like, dropping a kilo or increasing sustained energy levels. Does this then suggest that a lack of interest in taking responsibility for what control one does have in this life, simply comes down to conflicting priorities or is it about something else as well? Is it about fear of having to ‘own’ the impact of the decisions we make--about how what we do in this life, changes the world? Because we certainly cannot avoid that--changing the world by our sheer presence. What we choose to do and what we choose to not do, alters everything . . . but you know . . . no pressure. :D
. . . Maybe . . .